Insidious burnout

I feel awful. I guess I could blame it on the ‘burnout’. Here is a three-point analysis for this term, according to my own experience.

  1. Defining characteristic. Confusion. I want to do so much. I have plenty of ideas; I start some of them, many I don’t. I lose focus: the ideas I have started, I don’t want to finish because I can’t decide if they are better than the ones I ignored in the first place. I am the headless chicken version of the compulsive multitasker.
  2. Onset. Insidious. Like an attack coming in waves, some of which get fended off, burnout sets in, winning the battle by attrition.
  3. Prognosis. Bleak. I know well enough from having spent years in this state. Rest doesn’t fix it. I can’t rest, the thought of how to sort things out keeping me up at night, distracting me during the day.

I now understand the mantra: ‘Ignorance is bliss’. It is not an option for me.

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