I feel awful. I guess I could blame it on the ‘burnout’. Here is a three-point analysis for this term, according to my own experience.
- Defining characteristic. Confusion. I want to do so much. I have plenty of ideas; I start some of them, many I don’t. I lose focus: the ideas I have started, I don’t want to finish because I can’t decide if they are better than the ones I ignored in the first place. I am the headless chicken version of the compulsive multitasker.
- Onset. Insidious. Like an attack coming in waves, some of which get fended off, burnout sets in, winning the battle by attrition.
- Prognosis. Bleak. I know well enough from having spent years in this state. Rest doesn’t fix it. I can’t rest, the thought of how to sort things out keeping me up at night, distracting me during the day.
I now understand the mantra: ‘Ignorance is bliss’. It is not an option for me.